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Worst Calls Made To The Emergency Services

Calling the emergency services means that there is an EMERGENCY.  Unfortunately some people's definition of an emergency can stretch a point or two.  We have collected our favourite 20 stories from around the globe to highlight what are definitely NOT emergencies.

1. A young man asked for an ambulance to be sent because he had severe facial bleeding. When the paramedics got there the “facial haemorrhage” turned out to be a spot that he had picked at and that was bleeding.

2. Police: “Police emergency.”

Caller: “Um. Yes I’ve lost my glasses. The ones for my near-sight.”

Operator: “Right.”

Caller: “And I’m trying to get my lunch and I can’t see to do my potatoes very well.”

Police: “Right. But you’re through to the police.”

Caller: “I know.”

Police: “Well I can’t come and look for your glasses. I'm sorry but you’ll have to peel your potatoes on your own.”

3. Fire: “Fire brigade.”

Caller: “Excuse me. Er, I was at Tesco’s and a friend of mine, well, he’s not a friend of mine – an idiot of....he threw my shoe on top of the shop of Tesco and I need to get it back down. Can you come and help me?”

Fire: “No. Fire brigade won’t do that. You’ll have to contact Tesco. They’ve got access to the roof.

Caller: “Why don’t they send me a ladder up there? I’ll get it down.”

Fire: “No. Fire brigade won’t come out for that.”

Caller: “So what do you want me to do? Walk around with no feet...on my shoe?”

Fire: “Go to Tesco and ask them to go on their roof.”

4. Caller: Yes, I want to tell you about my central heating. It’s not hot enough.

Operator: It’s not hot enough? This is an emergency number. What do you want us to do?

Caller: Well, it broke and a chap came to fix it. Now it’s working again but it’s not as hot as it used to be. I think he must've stolen some heat from me. I want to tell the police. I’ve got his card with his number on it.

Operator: Are you saying that your boiler engineer stole some heat from you?

Caller: Well, he must have done or else why is it not as hot as it was before?

Operator: Have you tried your thermostat sir?

Caller: What’s a thermostat?

Operator: It’s a little dial usually on your wall. It regulates the temperature. You may just need to turn it up.

Caller: Well, OK thank you I’ll try that. Can I call you back if it becomes clear that he’s stolen some heat?

Operator: I’d rather you didn't sir.

5. On Christmas Eve a man called the emergency number to ask what the temperature was. He also wanted to know the weather forecast over Christmas. He was told to watch television or listen to the radio.

6. Caller: Help! Help! Send the police and an ambulance. I have been stabbed.

Operator: You said you have been stabbed?

Caller: Yes, I’ve been stabbed.

Operator: How many times were you stabbed?

Caller: This is the first time.

7. ''The Chinese takeaway I ordered is 45 minutes late. I want you to prosecute the takeaway for ripping me off.''

8. One day, a woman with her husband and 3 week old child decided to go to a corn maze. Stop and let that sink in for a minute. This woman gave birth less than a month ago, and she’s already taking this child out in the cold where you can almost certainly get lost. What happened? They got lost. The woman called 911 and police were dispatched to them while her husband’s eyes probably rolled all the way back in his head.

Thankfully, it didn’t take long for police to escort the family to safety. When found, they were less than 25 feet away from the exit.

9. One night during the summer 15 "999" calls were made all reporting UFOs in the sky over Cornwall. It turned out the spectacle was lights and lasers from a concert at the Eden Project.

10. A dwarf circus performer fell victim to a circus act gone bad and had to have an ambulance called. When the circus comes to town, the hospitals in the area are immediately on red alert; it just comes with the territory. But there probably wasn’t a ton of preparation for this type of, uh… accident.

Part of his act involved a vacuum sticking to his crotch region (this is why people go to the circus, right?), but the attachment used for the illusion broke before the performance. He hastily superglued it together backstage, but due to a tragic glue miscalculation the attachment was more permanent than intended, resulting in hospitalization. It’s totally understandable if you’re not laughing right now.

11. ''There's been a pigeon in my back garden for the past three days – it's got a tag on.''

12. A woman called to complain that her local McDonald’s had run out of Chicken McNuggets. She had already placed her order and was waiting for her food when she was told that they had run out.

Since they had processed the transaction through the till they asked her to choose something else off the menu but she was furious and called the police telling them that it was an emergency and demanding that a police officer come to help her.

13. A 15-year-old girl became trapped in a cat flap. She had returned home in the early hours of the morning without her house keys and so tried to squeeze herself through - but got stuck.

She called West Midlands Fire Service to ask them to free her.

14. ''Can one of your officers come around to my house to tell my sons to calm down?'' [We've been there]

15Caller: “Hi. Can you send one of your rescuers please. There’s a grey squirrel with no hazelnut trees.”

Police: “There’s a grey squirrel with no hazelnut trees?”

Caller: “Yeah.”

Police: “And you’re phoning 999 for that?”

Caller: “Yeah because his life is in danger. It’s a grey squirrel. It’s a rare species.”

Police: “Grey squirrels are not rare, it’s the red squirrels that are rare.”

C: “Well I’m not being funny, but it’s sort of half and half. It might be a cross-breed.”

Police: “OK thanks for your call.”

16. Police: “What’s your emergency?”

Caller: “I’ve run out of toilet roll.”

Police: “And you’re calling 999 for that reason?”

Caller: “Oh is this 999?”

Police: “Yeah.”

Caller: Oh sorry. Wrong number.

17. Police: “Hello police.”

Caller: “My wife left me two salmon sandwiches which was leftover from last night and I’m sat in the chair here and she won’t put no food out for anybody. I don’t know what...”

Police: “I'm sorry but I really can’t take this. It’s not an emergency because your wife won’t give you anything to eat.”

18. A woman bought a rabbit from an advertisement a breeder had put in a newsagent’s window. When she collected the pet its ears were not floppy enough so she asked for the police to arrest him for fraud.

19. Caller: (whispering) I can’t see anything, I think I’ve been kidnapped. I’m wearing a blindfold…

Operator: Are you moving?

Caller: No I’m lying still. Wait, I’m trapped.

Operator: Are you ok? Can you sit up?

Caller: Oh, yes, hold on a minute. It’s just my duvet. I woke up with it covering my head and thought someone had done something to me.

20. ''I bought a pair of jeans at a shop last week and took them back but the shop won't give me a refund.''

So next time you call for the emergency services please check that it really is an emergency.

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